Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
