so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
