so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
