he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
