someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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