They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Randomize
