bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
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