just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
