I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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