Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
