i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
