It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize
