Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
