remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
