I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
