Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
