i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
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