i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
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yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
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BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
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