I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
