Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
