Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
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