This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
