just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
