I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Randomize
