erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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