is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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