I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
