Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
