im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Randomize
