Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
