I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
