pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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