Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
