So drunk its hurt
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
