And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
