Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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