You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
