I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
