Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
