we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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