Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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