somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
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