we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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