Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Randomize
