i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Randomize
