Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Randomize
