moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
