the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
