on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
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