it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
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