My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
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