my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
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