just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
