she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
worst night to have a conscience
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize