Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
