I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
