Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Randomize
