I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
