Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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