I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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