I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
