there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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