Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Randomize
