It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I need moral support for this bender
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Oh god it's open bar.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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