i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
