All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
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