Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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