I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
