wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
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What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
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COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
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